I am in Dresden, which is gorgeous, and my first night was semi-eventful. I saw a German opera in Germany, Mozart's "The Magic Flute," thwarted a pickpocketer who knocked a chunk of skin off my heel, and still got my 15km day minimum in. I'm feeling good, update my Facebook a few times.
So fancy! (Dresden, Semperoper)
Here's my next status update.
"In the past 12 hours I've had an opera I've seen explained to me, how to treat blisters explained to me (by two different people), what cognates are explained to me, fundamentals of Catholic doctrine explained to me, why the Trump Golden Watergate isn't legit news explained to me, and a suggestion that I should take a self defence class. One by one, ya'll mean well, by damnnnnm. Lotta guys, 'cause yep, all men, lining up to offer me advice."
Whatever is going on outside, in my head I'm like this.
I totally get it from the other point of view. A few, unrelated, individuals make some replies voicing concern, connecting through their own experiences, or just expressing their legitimate knowledge base. That's fine. One by one, I have no issues and totally see it from your point of view. Now, can you see it from mine? Here I am feeling good about myself and folks jumping in left and right insinuating they can correct my mistakes. One by one, no problem, but I think a lot of folks, no matter the genders, would be raising a hand when that many people offer answers to questions you didn't ask.
And when I say, "my point of view" yeah, no. I'm stepping in and speaking for a larger group. You know what I'm talking about here. It gets labelled as "mansplaning," which pisses a lot if people off, but it's so common I didn't even really notice until recently. At least once every three days or so, it's just easier and faster to let some guy "tell" me something than try to stop him.
"So, here's how you get to the station..." (You know I got here FROM the station, right? Sigh)
If only I had access to the same resources you do...
"What you're gonna need to do is catch a bus [..]" (Really? I was gonna flap my arms and hop.)
"Oh no. It's too far for you to walk. You need to take the team six blocks [...]" (I already walked it yesterday. Go on.)
"See, what you need to know is..." (The topic you are going to skim is one I've lived through)
I don't know it's as simple as "mansplaining," though that word definitely flittered through my mind. Maybe there is just a difference in how some people present their opinions and, like anything else, when others' norms differ from yours, it can be jarring especially when your assumption underestimates your audience.
I don't know if it's a girl thing or whatnot, but a lot of people, ignoring gender here again, prefer to present their opinions/knowledge softly and leave room for argument. Maybe they don't want to come off as assertive/bitchy/arrogant. Maybe they know they might be wrong and are aware of that. Maybe it's a culture thing. Maybe it's a respect thing. I don't know. Not my field of interest and study. I don't, naturally, like to commit 100% to something.
My mom and I were somewhere in California and I said, "I think we are going the wrong way." This actually caused a little fight (we were going the wrong way) 'cause where I, without meaning to, softened my statement I was only 95% confident she just heard the "I think" and wrote it all off as a blind guess not the, "I looked at the map" I meant it to be. But, hey, maybe I misread the map.
But, on the other hand, back in '04, my friends and I created our own term, JEMs, for a phenomenon that kept reoccurring. We'd need to make a decision about something, where to go or how to get there, and a JEM, a Japanese Elderly Man, would step in, consult with another JEM, and just tells us what to do without, you know, really consulting us. At the time, Hell, we were young, it was our first time abroad, and the advice was always appreciated. Don't get me wrong. On the other hand, 10+ years later, this only now strikes me as rather odd and assuming behaviour. Why are some people so confident in telling others what they should do without being asked?
How can these faces not inspire instant confidence? (Mika and I, Tokyo Disney Sea)
I met a lady bumbling about Scandinavia. She is knows that most of the men she'll have to deal with, like ticket inspectors or bus drivers, she'll be able to manipulate easily 'cause they'd be quick to believe she didn't know better and they'll "help" her. The system reinforces itself. Maybe if more men knew how often chicks use this against themcm, they'd be annoyed and stop. New tactic?
Whether it's a stranger stepping in when I was in Turkey, or any of my Chinese colleagues now, there is an almost parent-child relationship some guys slip into rather quickly. I guess, perhaps, they mean well and went to be helpful, but I see you as my peer and not my protector. I'm not saying I don't appreciate the help or don't need it from time-to-time. We are peers. In my head, sure, you help me sometimes and I'll help you, but I wonder about the perspective of some dudes who always think girls need saving.
Comments
Post a Comment